Gravity Is A Hairy Subject.

My son and I had a bath together, I generally try to bath him on his own or with daddy because he's four and I feel a bit funny sharing a bath with him now he's gotten older.
Anyway as soon as he got in the bath he crouched down and started to pee. I was in the bath and he peed in my lovely hot bubbly water. Not impressed I made him get out and use the toilet.
When he got back in he had to suffer a forceful lecture at how we use toilets for peeing and baths for washing.
When I had finished and stood up to get out the bath he started protesting that I was peeing in the bath.

I wasn't. Let me make that clear.

Now in that personal lady area so beloved my males and dogs once a month I'm not bald, there's no landing strip cos that would take time and effort to shave or money and pain to wax. The water runs down my body and drips of the hair. ok? You with me here? This is what my son saw and this is what he thinks was me peeing.

How do you explain gravity and pubic hair to a four year old?

10,000 thanks

It seems like everything always changes with money.
How much you have or lack seems to change so much in life.
And if your circumstances change dramatically within your lifetime, well that just makes things even more confusing.

If you had $10,000 that you had to give away, who would you give it to? (And no cheating by giving it to your spouse because that is too easy of a choice and it stays in your household.)

This is a bit of a no-brainer for me because if I could keep all the money, I'd give half to my mum. So being unable to keep the money or share it with a spouse I'd give it all to my mum.

There would be one condition or proviso on how she spends the money My mum would be free to spend or save the money exactly as she wished as long as it is not spent on myself or my spouse. If I could afford to give my mother £10,000 then I obviously do not need financial help or gifts as I would have the funds to do this for myself.

If I was paying my mother for all her help, support, advice and love that she has given me unstintingly through the years even when I made it so difficult then £10,000 just wouldn't even repay a years worth of the support my mother has given me.

I was not an easy child or teen to love, my behaviour and attitude alone are prickly at best but she never gave up on me. Not once.
I never realised or appreciated it until I entered my thirties but as a mother now myself I can appreciate and see the self sacrifices and asisstance she gave without any thought or gain for herself.

My mother has given me so much over the years, things I appreciate now more than even she realises.
She gave me intelligence (lord knows it didn't come from my father), a love of reading, money, even if it meant she struggled financially and the parenting skills I sometimes possess.
She has always been supportive too even when she didn't agree with my decisions (I should listen to her more she is rarely wrong).
Now she is the nanny my son feels a peership with, due to behaviour and humour of the same level (lol mum!).

I'm grateful for having this woman as my mum, I have been lucky.
No amount of money could even begin to repay her for everything she has done for me but this £10,000 would be a fine start.

Secrets of parenting.

Parenting secrets I learnt the hard way:

* Dirty nappies are not pleasant.

Dirty nappies are not pleasant at the best of times but once your baby starts eating solids they become much, much worse.

* Feeding baby is never at a convenient time.

There is rarely a “convenient” time to feed your baby there is always something in the way whether it’s the time spent heating the darn thing or finding somewhere suitable to do so.

* Your childs first word will hurt your feelings.

Your pride & joy will eventually say his first word & there’s no thanks or reward for being the one who suffered agonising pain to give him life nor for carrying him around everywhere for 9 months. His first word is most likely to be “da-da”

* Babies are strong & have a vice like grip.

This is usually discovered when your child grabs hold of your hair / earrings or necklace & will not willingly let go, noses & ears are also wonderful targets as are glasses.

* Kids love to undertake "suicide missions".

All children once they start moving embark on a wide variety of suicide missions, nothing is out of bounds from electrical sockets to heights & anything poisonous or small enough to block the windpipe.

* Mobile phones are an amazing object of fascination.

Every child has an instant magnetic attraction to phones specially mobile phones, the more easily breakable & expensive the better.

* Babies have a sixth sense.

Babies unfailingly know when you are about to be “romantic” & do what mummies & daddies do to become parents. This will be the time that hunger will set in or an insatiable need to be held & walked for hours.

* Noses should have a finger permanently inserted.

Keeping a finger out of his nose is an ongoing battle of will, it is not an easy battle to win as the attraction of presenting you with a finger with a booger dangling off the end of it is just the best experience ever.

* You will want to kill people no matter how old or ill.

You will as a mum want to kill any child that upsets yours especially those that are nasty. It doesn't matter that the culprit is 4 yrs old she was nasty to your child & you feel strong feelings of dislike. You will also go off those that don’t think your child is the bestest, most cutest child ever.

* Everyone will give you advice.

The entire world will give you advice & comment on what they would do if they were you, this sounds great at first & can even be helpful but soon unasked for advice becomes annoying to say the least specially when the advice goes against everything you believe.

* Health visitors are evil.

I’ve had 3 different health visitors & all 3 have reduced me to tears at some point. They are always on the lookout for something wrong either in your parenting or even worse with your child. They will worry you for the slightest reason not once but many, many times.

* Words can hurt.......... a lot.

Your child says for the first time “I hate you / don’t like you / go (a)way” & your heart will break. The fact it’s not truly meant & is just the childs way of expressing his emotion at the unfairness of life will not help. You will cry & the all too familiar feelings of mom inadequacy & guilt will entrench itself in your heart, never to leave again.

* Cardboard boxes make fantastic toys.

That £60 toy you scrimped & saved to buy will not be anyway near as much fun as the cardboard box it came in & then there’s the wrapping paper & bows & joy of joys sellotape. I swear I’m giving empty cardboard boxes to all the young kids I have to buy for this xmas.

* Motherhood will be..............................................

The most important, fulfilling, depressing, joyful, loving, fun, boring, messy, emotional, irritating, happy, sad, funny, unselfish, painful, wonderful, satisfying, educational & will very quickly become your raison d’etre or reason for living.

Marshall's desired diet.

Coca-cola - regular & diet,
chocolate - all types & varieties,
baked beans - Heinz only,
chewits - strawberry flavour
strawberries - specially when out of season & therefore very expensive for very little.

These are the only things my son will eat happily & without complaint the only problem is finding recipes that use these ingredients!

Being sick doesn't mean you get to sleep!

I've been ill all day, vomiting, headache, cold chills, weakness & general feeling of eeeuuuwwww.
Feeling like death as we go to sleep although I am feeling quite proud I managed to stay up till eleven p.m.

02:15 Marshall enters our bedroom
02:16 Marshall gets into bed on Robin's side
02:16 Robin moves to the middle of the bed
02:17 Marshall starts "Dad can I have your drink?"
02:17 Robin turns onto his side & starts breathing heavily out his mouth
02:18 Robin is breathing on my neck & back, it's not pleasant & makes me itch
02:18 Marshall starts "Dad can I have your drink?"
02:18 Marshall asks again louder "Dad can I have your drink?"
02:19 Robin ignores Marshall & continues blowing like a steam train.
02:20 Marshall starts playing
02:21 Robin ignores Marshall & continues blowing like a steam train.
02:23 Marshall starts adding voices & sound effects to his games.
02:30 Robin starts snoring an inch from my ear
02:35 Marshall "Dad?, Daad?, Daddy? "I want your drink"
02:35 Robin ignores Marshall & continues blowing like a steam train & snoring.
02:36 Marshall "dad, daad, daaad, dad, daddy, dad, I (pause) want (pause)
a (pause) drink! dad, daad, daaad?"
02:37 Robin ignores Marshall & continues blowing like a steam train & snoring.
02:37 I give up, kick Robin as I'm getting up, & tell Marshall we're going
downstairs.
02:38 Robin continues snoring & blowing like a fog horn.
02:40 I'm awake, Marshall is awake & we're downstairs watching some stupid cartoon.
I'm not filled with feelings of love & warmth towards anyone right now
specially as I'm now too awake to sleep & foghorn up there is blissfully
asleep in the land of nod. All he had to do was open the damn drink bottle
& all 3 of us would be asleep now.
02:41 Robin continues blowing like a steam train,snoring loudly & sleeping
peacefully.
02:42 I start plotting my revenge. I don't know what it is gonna involve but at
the moment nothing is off limits.

My Addiction or Why I'm A BAD Influence

Are you ADDICTED to your Internet ?

I’ve recently had to last two whole days without internet access as BT slowly repaired a technical problem on my phone-line, & no, I did in no way, shape or form obtain a monetary reduction on this months bill. This means no cartwheels across the floor which is just as well as I would undoubtedly crumple, land on my bottom & slide across the carpet while achieving an “oh so sexy” carpet burn of momentous proportions. BTW I am not an athlete so this would also involve pain & loud, non-stop laughter from my oh (not) so caring & compassionate family.

I am rather ashamed to admit that I really miss my internet access, much more than I should & going without has if not left a wide gaping black hole that is hiding all my entertainment, friendships & …………. well, everything really then really peed me off & no, I don’t mean annoyed or slightly irked I’m annoyed in a “I am woman, hear me ROAR” kind of way.

I can recite the websites I want to visit, the blogs I want to read even the items I want to look at on e-bay but I cannot get to them, they are tantalisingly just out of reach.

I’m lucky in that I am capable of entertaining myself in other ways, I could read my book or do some more of my craft project or I could do some housework but I don’t want to so I wont. I will sit at my pc & do stuff on windows instead, I will play solitaire or sort out my photos into separate folders,
This brings a startling realisation, this is exactly what my son does it’s a kind of sulk & the knowledge isn’t making me happy. I can picture him doing this when something he wants to do is vetoed like cutting with grown up scissors or shoving bread up his nose. He will sulk when he cannot do what he wants & nothing else will be good enough to take it’s place.

“It’s called sulking & he gets it from me”

Oh the embarrassment & the shame !