My adventures & misadventures in parenting & life.

Friday, 24 August 2007

School Hell Memories.

As the entire world knows it's nearly "back to school" time & my memories & worries have been in hyper-drive. I've been having nightmares, waking up in a cold sweat after yet another dream about my school days. School days may be said to be the "best days of your life" but for me they were hellish & if I had to go through it all again I don't know if I could make it through to the other side.

Everything went wrong for me once I started senior school. Everyone went off into their little groups of people they knew from their old school but I was the only one from my school in my class so I began as it would continue throughout the years, on my own. The other students weren't nasty or unkind they just didn't have anything to do with me, I lived on the sidelines, on my own. I could go for days without another pupil saying more than a couple of words to me.
It was a lonely four years for me, I would do group or dual projects on my own, if the teachers ever noticed they didn't say anything. I generally got A's or B's for these in the first year which made me feel good because after all I did these tasks on my own with no help.

Day trips were also spent on my own I would have a walkman permenantly glued to my ears so it wouldn't look so obvious that I was on my own, even on the bus.
I would walk around wherever we were, hiding from other groups of students & of course the teachers in case they saw me alone & made me walk round with them. Although in hindsight maybe that would have helped me as they may have finally tried to sort something out.
I even spent school trips to other countries on my own, totally dangerous of course. I used to sneak out & be on my own. I got a real taste of these countries on these trips purely because I was able to see things on my own that I could never have seen in a large school group.

A new teacher took over my class in the second year & from the very first day she made me even more miserable & alone than I already was with her snidey comments & remarks. I honestly don't know what I did that annoyed her so much but by the end of her time there I was writing letters of apology to her (her "requests") for any infraction of rules, even if 95% of the school were also committing the same "infractions".
This made my classmates want to be near me even less than they already did because they didn't want to get into trouble just by being seen near me.

My last day of school was one of the best days of my childhood. I walked out that door at the end of the day, past the crying girls cuddling each other & promising to stay friends forever without even a single backwards glance. All I felt was blessed relief it was over.

I never really spoke to any of them since & I doubt I ever will.

I never told anyone, not even my mum how I got on at school, she didn't have any idea, I never told anyone, I guess I just didn't want their sympathy.

College on the other hand consisted of some of the best days of my life, I had friends, even two best friends, subjects I was interested in & enjoyed & the teachers were fair & impartial. It was heaven to me after my school misery.

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